Read, Write, Repeat. | Essays, fiction, photos and nonsensical ramblings by Joel Zlotnik

Squeeze

Chrissy slides her hands slowly down my back. I close my eyes and feel them slip under my shorts. They dip lower and lower until her nimble fingers come to rest firmly on my ass. Beads of sweat begin to populate my forehead. One of the drops makes a run for it, sliding down my…

Petit Four Now at simonandfig.com

Cake is often a major part of life’s celebrations, both big and small. From birthdays to wedding days, cake, in all its delectable concoctions, marks joyous occasions with a sweetness that can’t be beat. But even better is the love that is shared when two people connect over a sweet confection. Maybe it’s a cute…

Dear April

Dear April, Would you like to know why you’re still single? Please see Plaintiff’s Exhibit A in Zlotnik v. April (eHarmony chick who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and prefers giving out her number for texting purposes only as a means to set up a date): Friday Jz, 3:20 p.m.: Hi April ……

Workday Wondering

Sometimes, when I’m walking across the street, I wonder what it would feel like to get hit by a car. It doesn’t happen all the time. It’s more like every once in a while. It happens today as I’m walking back to the cubicle farm where I spend eight hours a day on the phone…

Bless These Pants

Paul, his arms full of pants, stood in line with the other men. It looked to him almost like this was another department store going-out-of-business sale and everything was 75 percent off. Only if that were the case, the line would be 99 percent women and not a one was in sight … and he…

Riding the Breeze

I lie in bed listening to the wind howling like an angry ghost. My window is cracked as usual – I like to fall asleep to the sounds of the nearby surf – and the breeze sends a chill through the room. The vertical blinds clack against each other reminding me of an out-of-rhythm tap dancer. I…

British Axes

You might not know it by walking in today but any music lover in London should take a stroll down Denmark Street and stop in at No. 4 where you can stand under the chandelier in the spot where The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Kinks, The Yardbirds and Black Sabbath recorded their early albums. Sure…